Offering Feedback with Generosity
Offering effective feedback has a lot to do with understanding what someone is trying to achieve and using curiosity to guide your efforts.
Throughout my career I have served as a trusted advisor and sounding board. From my beginnings in corporate finance to becoming the right hand of a leader responsible for over half a nation’s GDP, it has been my job to listen, test, and offer a perspective so that executives and founders can take action with confidence.
I don’t take the responsibility of supporting others lightly, whether it’s a client, a friend, or someone I’ve just met at an event. When I offer my perspective I aim to do so in a respectful manner that places the person requesting assistance at the centre of my response.
I’ve come to learn that in order to share my thoughts without risking becoming resentful, I need to ensure I am clear about my intentions before offering to help, and that the measure of my contribution is not whether or not someone implements it, but rather: was it considerate, fit for purpose and offered from a place of generosity.
Below you will find my approach when providing feedback:
Step 0) Preliminary Considerations
Before agreeing to offer feedback, it’s important for me to pause and consider whether I am in a position to do so in the first place. Just because someone asks for my input doesn’t mean I am prepared to offer it, nor that I am equipped to contribute meaningfully.
To determine whether or not I should proceed in offering support, I often ask myself the following questions. If I can confidently respond with an affirmative “Yes” to each of them, I will often proceed in engaging with someone requesting feedback.
Has the person explicitly asked for my feedback?
Do I respect this individual or team?
Do I believe I have the skills, experience and/or expertise necessary to support them?
Would I be OK if they didn’t fully consider or incorporate my feedback?
Would I consider working with them a productive and enjoyable use of my time?
Can I respect my boundaries and remain in my integrity while offering feedback?
Do I trust them to use my feedback appropriately while respecting my boundaries?
Step 1) Discovery
To offer feedback effectively I need to take the time to understand the context of the person requesting support, as well as their intention in approaching me for help. This typically takes the form of asking the individual(s) many questions and listening to both what they’re saying as well as any omissions, then following up to understand if my interpretations are correct. This typically takes the form of rephrasing what I’ve heard in the form of: “My understanding of what you shared is …” or “If I heard you correctly, you’re saying …”, often adding the chaser: “… did I get that right?”
To be clear: I’m not trying to develop a full picture of what they’re trying to achieve; my objective is to articulate a fluid outline based on my understanding of their circumstance by reframing what they’ve shared using simple language, and then testing it for accuracy. I can do so by asking the following questions:
What do you hope to achieve?
Why do you want to achieve this goal (what will it provide you)?
What is the history of your efforts up to this point?
Who else is involved in this process?
Is their effort required in order to achieve the goal?
What do you consider to be the main obstacles to achieving your goal?
Do you believe you can tackle them or do they seem insurmountable?
What are your implicit biases which are influencing your approach (and could limit your ability to execute on a plan)?
What assumptions are you making which might be:
Inaccurate?
Incomplete?
True, but only in certain circumstances?
Why are you seeking outside counsel or support?
From whom are you seeking counsel or support?
How do you think I can support you?
How would you like me to support you?
What resources do you currently have at your disposal (including those you may not be giving full credit) and how are you using them?
Once I receive responses to my questions, I combine this data with insights gleaned from other available sources, including anything they’ve shared with me as well as data points I can assemble on my own. Doing so provides a fuller picture which serves to help me uncover their biases and assumptions so that I can determine where to test, challenge or affirm their current beliefs.
Step 2) Initial Interpretation
Upon gathering baseline information in Step 1, I develop my own understanding of the situation based on what I’ve observed, distilling it into an initial assessment of the situation. Next, I filter this interpretation through my knowledge base and past experiences to determine if there might be something I can bring to bear on the situation.
In this stage my ignorance can be an asset, as it prompts me to ask simple questions which the person requesting feedback might believe have obvious answers. Because I’ve been asked for my personal insights I can release the need to seem smart and embrace areas where I’m genuinely confused or uncertain, confident in the knowledge that my questions will serve to help the individual refine their approach going forward.
Step 3) Unpacking
Once I’ve had a chance to assemble my initial assessment I can share it with the individual requesting feedback with the intention that we unpack it together. It’s important that I check in often to ensure I am understood, as well as to see what resonates, what isn’t landing, and why?
My goal at this stage isn’t to persuade the individual seeking feedback of my position. I want to use their response to guide my subsequent suggestions so that my feedback can help them achieve their goal. Even if my perspective is 100% correct, if the individual doesn’t like the direction it’s pointing them towards then they won’t follow it and it won’t serve them.
My goal, therefore, is to see what they respond to, both positively and negatively, and to explore those areas further to understand how my insights can be of service to them. In those situations where the individual shuts down or doesn’t engage with my feedback, it’s entirely alright to pause and give them time to reflect on it before circling back.
Step 4) Turning Insights Into Action
Once we have unpacked, tested and understood how my feedback might serve the individual, it’s time to turn those insights into action with a clear forward plan. This is about allowing them to articulate how they want to use the insights to move forward, set a plan in motion, and request clarification or further support if they would like us to continue collaborating. It’s also about agreeing what they will stop doing to make space to work on higher priority actions.
At this stage I often seek out resources which can help them take the next step towards their goal, which can serve as tactical underpinnings of the broader strategy. It’s equally important, however, that I avoid inundating them with information, as this may cause them to feel overwhelmed. The right information at the right time can help fuel their journey, so I seek to provide information based on where they are in their journey.
Step 5) Follow-up
If and when appropriate, I like to make clear plans for when agreed actions will be delivered to create a sense of accountability. In doing so, my goal is to make the individual feel like they have someone in their corner who will not only support them, but also keep them honest.
I believe it’s at this stage that one’s generosity and focus on service as an advisor really comes through. In my experience, those who seek to rack up “quick wins” as others implement their recommendations will often give up on people who don’t follow their formulas exactly as prescribed. In contrast, I believe an effective coach or advisor is able to identify when someone is struggling and help them manage it while maintaining proper boundaries. The key is being aware of one’s intentions: do you want to support this individual or have your ego stroked as a would-be guru?
For those who seek to champion others, something incredible happens when we communicate our faith in them to deliver: they begin to see themselves as capable as well. Sometimes even the most skilled, hard-working individuals need to borrow some confidence in order to take action and forge ahead. Communicating our commitment to supporting them, if they want it and are willing to put in the effort necessary to achieve it, is a bold and courageous act that can bring out the best in people.
